This is a review of Flirty Aprons, be warned I had a lot to say on the subject of Aprons.

I’m getting sick of trashing my clothes. I admit to on occasion being too lazy to change when I get home and jump right into cooking. I can’t tell you how many of my dress shirts have oil stains, or the number of t-shirts I’ve trashed with red wine and tomato sauce.

But I’ve never been one to wear an apron, I think they’re not attractive at all (except to the perv’s who have apron fetishes, but most of the time those are made of latex) and complete utilty in clothing is not my gig. I don’t want to look like The Nana in that sheet with the whole for your  head and the ties at the sides that’s a Christmas print (that she wears year round). She would look like a Wal-mart employee if it wasn’t for the thing being covered in candy canes.

Sorry, I know I’m not always a fashion plate, but I try to look cute most of the time, so I was excited to get a Flirty Apron! Here’s something we can all “get into.” It’s cute, it’s fun to wear and it will protect the other cute stuff you wear at the same time. I’ve got the Chocolate and blue one, which looks more mint chocolate chip green than blue and brown. It’s a print so if I do get something on it, it’s not so obvious. The only issue I have with this product is the price vs. the packaging. I can see giving this away to friends for Christmas or a birthday and with a $30 price tag, I wouldn’t want to hand it to someone in the manufacturers packaging. It comes in an envelope like a pair of pantyhose that looks a little cheap. The apron doesn’t look cheap- in fact- it’s made well, has great details, super long ties at the sides and it washes well.  My plan, when I  buy these as gift will be to take them out of the package and either box them up or place in a gift bag.

They come in a variety of styles and colors and are all adorable. I’ve included both of the most popular colors here. I think you will find it hard to give this little cutie away of you take it out of the package before you wrap it, so buy two! You can afford it with a 25% discount through August 16- just use coupon code EXCITE25 on either or both of these!

All reviews will be in Mafia style.

There’s a new movement in shopping started by a group named OpenSky. In case you didn’t know we are big believers in buying from people you know. We shop local as much as posible. We heard about this intriguing new way of shopping with OpenSky,  on people sites and blogs.

Why is it intriguing?

First, because the people involved will review and write about products they have tried. Second, because the technology is very cool.

Don’t you love this idea?  Reading reviews and  researching products before you buy. We do! What better way to buy than from user reviews? If you see the OpenSky shop logo on any site or blog you’ll know that real people have reviewed the products.

Now, the technology. The guys at OpenSky have developed a shopping cart that will appear right on this site. This creates a shop right on the Mafia and best of all gives us complete control over what products appear.

Sign up here before the 10th of August to win a prize, I have no idea what they are giving away so don’t ask. I’ve seen the suppliers whose products I get to test out and review, if the prize is from any of them, it will be good.

Our promise to be truthful stands (I know that made you guys laugh). Considering what you’ve read here,  the general sense of humor being slightly demented,  we are more in danger of pissing off a guy with a bad product any anything else.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine the peaches, 1 cup sugar, and water in a saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from the heat.

Put the butter in a 8×8 inch baking dish and place in oven to melt.

Mix remaining 1 cup sugar, flour, and milk slowly to prevent clumping. Pour mixture over melted butter. Do not stir. Spoon fruit on top, gently pouring in syrup. Sprinkle top with ground cinnamon, if using. Batter will rise to top during baking. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes or until golden and bubbly.

Spoon on to plates and top with whipped cream or ice cream.

The Author

I have come to the realization that  a regular person going to an internet conference is equivalent to taking your forty-year-old-virgin cousin to a strip club, the regular person being the socially awkward cousin.

I usually think of myself as a relatively intelligent person, but standing next to Mr. I’m-a-coding-genius, I sometimes feel like a complete dork. The perfect example of this is the conversation we had about “forward slash” and “back slash.”  Previous to this I hadn’t realized that there was a a sound more painful to a programmers ears than fingernails across a blackboard.

Now I know – it’s the sound of someone saying “forward slash.”

Seems like a regular old phrase- no big deal right? Not! This guy loses it when that pops innocently out of my mouth. You see, there is a different world out there.  A dark scary place where some words when uttered around the denizens of cyber world have the same effect as dropping an F’bomb in the middle of a reverently quiet Sunday church service. Some people snicker other want to throw stones.

Mr. Code

The effect of my code-faux-pas was a lecture on “don’t say forward or back.”

It’s just a slash.

“Why?” I asked smiling.

“You just don’t.”  and  ”It’s just a slash.”  Where the only answers that I ever heard.

This poor guy was acting as if I had uttered the most vulgar thing ever, but wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me why it was offensive.  But even better than this was the “Don’t say that if we go out in public.” What?  Are the other programmers going to make fun of you for having uneducated friends?

This is what happens when you tease a group of people for many, many years- they develop their own social rules- and they don’t tell you what they are. Now we know what all the geeks were talking about at those Star Trek conventions when the doors where closed!

Next up: The “Google that shit before you ask me lecture”

When told to say something nice about ex-husband this was overheard:

He brings great joy every time he leaves the room!

Nana’s (who’s 7o herself) boyfriend is:

He’s so old he cumz dust.

Recently sister 2 made oatmeal raisin cookies:

Sister 1- This recipe only made twelve cookies?

Sister 2- Yep-must be something wrong with the recipe.

Sister 3- Is that cookie dough on your lip?

Sister 2- Mmm….no?

Sister 1- Oh, sister- did you just eat three dozen uncooked oatmeal raisin cookies?

Sister 2- They don’t have as many calories uncooked.

Now, I have something to admit. I realized a few months ago that I did not want to work at making money with the Menopause Mafia and I felt like I should have been. I was feeling pressure to do more with this site and being told things like “You shouldn’t say that or use that kind of language.” With reasons like “You’ll alienate people” or  “That’s not professional” and my favorite “You won’t make any money with that kind of writing.” Hearing these things made me question what I was doing with the Mafia site and asking myself should I be writing? After all, I write what we talk about at the kitchen table- wasn’t that the point?

And then I realized what the problem was…

I had been running with the wrong kind of people. Bloggers, social media junkies, tweeters, so called life coaches and strategists. These folks talk about monetizing their content and ask you constantly how you’re networking and building up readership. They all seemed to talk a good game when it comes to helping others, but if you looked behind the curtain, well that’s another story. It took all the fun out of a site I had been enjoying.

No matter how many times I joke that Oprah will buy this URL from the Mafia one day…

So I took some time and thought about why I started this site and it brought me back to this one single point. I started this because I thought it would be fun. Not to make money. I write to entertain, even if I sometimes write to make a point for a certain person. Not to change the world. When I write I am myself, even under an alias. If you talked to me in person, if you met me at the grocery store or the library I would sound just the same. I would say Fucktard, accuse certain people of being un-dateable, and share my family’s recipes. Even more often after a few drinks.

Now, I will continue on with my original purpose…

I’m going to write and I will post but without the pressure of building an empire, fixing the world or becoming a self-help bullshit artist. Please feel free to call me on the carpet if I stray, start to take this too seriously or think that this is more than a fun little hobby.

Unless someone offers me a shit load of money for the URL, in which case I will write more since I will be retired!

Instead of going through the usual litany of shallow crap like I have in the past, I will be working on a few deeper changes.

In 2010 I will resolve to:

pray first, not as a last resort.

remember that most people are acquaintances not friends.

remember to be true to myself no matter how hard others are on me.

remember that loving someone does not mean: I agree with you automatically, that I’m going to ignore it when you’re wrong, or that I’m not allowed to refuse your requests.

remember to take out the trash* on a regular basis.

Let me know what you’ll be working on this year, the decisions to quit smoking (been there) to the career changes and the diets.  No matter what your New Years Assessment brings to light, share your resolution with your fellow mafiosos, lets all make a resolution to support each other.

*Last year my New Years resolution was to get rid of the shmucks that were destructive,  trouble or were just plain old users. I deleted them from my contact list, address book, email list, and changed my number. This year I will remind myself regularly to keep the trash on the curb, and continue to enjoy the people in my life who make it all worthwhile. I highly recommend doing this- especially for my single readers- if you have developed a contact list lousy with losers.

I cannot tell you how many times Captain Wentworth has dropped the “Darling, the Jones’s have invited us over for a drop of port tonight and I told them you would whip up a dish to bring,” at the last minute of course.

To which I answer, “Oh, how wonderful dear, I’ll make something fabulous in the half an hour I have between arriving home from the day job and leaving for the Jones’s.” [Insert fake smile and batting of eyelashes here]

Sometimes it’s a chore to do party after party if you’re unprepared and you work all day.  My dear friend Tia and I were discussing this subject just the other night over a glass of wine. We figured if you plan ahead in a minimal way you can whip up “fabulous” from the basics in the pantry.

You can save the world, or at least your sanity by always having:

Cream Cheese

Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

Here are a few ideas of what to do with them:

Cream cheese makes a great baked dip layered or mixed (layered is faster) with meat, cheese, salsa, sauce or vegetables.

For example:

Southwest Chicken Dip

One block of Cream cheese is spread on the bottom of a small baking dish, topped with shredded or cubed chicken, a jar of salsa and then cheese. Bake at 375 degrees for twenty minutes. Serve with tortilla chips.

It takes five minutes to throw together and pop in oven, go fix your hair and make-up, change your clothes and you’re out the door in thirty.

Don’t have chicken? Use left over taco meat, turkey, sausage or steamed vegetables. Just make sure everything gets chopped- it needs to be scoopable! You can also use ham and BBQ sauce, turkey and cranberry dressing, crab and cocktail sauce.

Don’t have time to bake? Mix cream cheese with some marshmallow cream and chocolate chips, serve with graham crackers for instant S’mores.

Think of the possibilities if you have a few more minutes and a can of crescent rolls. You can stuff those bad boys with anything and they taste good.  Cocktail weenies are a given, but what if you don’t have them in the fridge? Think of all the great combinations we’ve talked about. Using the same concept, mixing ingredients together, fill triangles and pinch edges closed- then bake while you get ready. This takes a few extra minutes, but they are easier to transport than the hot baking dish, so it’s a toss up. This is great if you ate all of the tortilla chips last time you had a bad day.

Note: After writing this and asking Capt. Wentworth to read it over, I asked him why he likes springing invitations and a commitment to cook on me at the last minute. You know what he said? “I had no idea that stressed you out, plus you always tell me how much you like to cook.”

I can’t decide if he’s really that clueless or that inconsiderate, so I have decided to make him help next time.

I know you guys love these books, but I just can’t take it seriously. Bad writing, weak characters and an overall plot that makes me want to beat someone about the head and neck with a baseball bat. The baseball bat they used to play ball with in the first movie would be excellent. So, here’s a gross giggle for you, try not to be too upset that they are making light of Ed and his minion.

.

Here’s the New York Times review of New Moon titled

‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’: Juiceless or Juicebomb?

And something to think about  Is Team Edward Enabling Domestic Violence?

Brandy Slush

Ingredients

7 cups water
1 cup sugar
1 12 oz. can frozen lemonade
1 12 oz. can frozen orange juice
2 cups water
4 tea bags
2 cups brandy

Take frozen lemonade and orange juice out to thaw. This makes life much easier later when you have to mix all ingredients together.

Heat 7 cups water with 1 cup sugar over medium heat until sugar is dissolved. Set aside to cool.

Make a strong tea with the other 2 cups of water and tea bags. Let cool.

In a large freezer container, combine sugar/water, tea, lemonade concentrate, orange juice concentrate, and brandy together. Freeze for 24 hours and serve with orange or lemon slice garnish.