Posted by Jodi in 
I have known for quite some time, as I’m sure you have, that the male ego is the most fragile thing in the universe. What we might not realize is how insecure a man can feel or how his self worth is determined by his ability to provide AND his woman’s attraction to him. The two big revelations for me were about men being “Visual” and that men are emotional about sex. For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn about the inner lives of men will help the Mafioso’s understand what’s going through his head and why some seemingly innocent remark we make may set him off.
This is a nice little read that I recommend but if you aren’t feeling it here is a list of the major points the book makes and some simple points Feldhahn makes we can remember:
Men would rather feel unloved that disrespected and unappreciated- Watch what you say and DON’T tease your man in front of others.
Men may look like they are in control but they often feel like impostors and worry about their inadequacies being found out- Affirm your man and be positive! He needs your support and it’s easy to give!
Men are born to provide- Guess what? It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference how much money you make, your man is still feeling the burden of providing for you. So if we complain he works too much it’s an issue since he feels the NEEDS to do just that.
Men view your sexual desire as an affirmation- It’s your DESIRE not your willingness that he needs. No, I’m not going into more detail figure that one out on your own. Here’s what I will say (and yes I did check this one out too) men are affirmed and gain a sense of well being from your attentions. And all this time we have been told men only viewed sex as a physical thing.
Men are visual- What the hell does that mean anyway? It means that men can look at a woman recall the image years later (I tested this today- it’s true and really disturbing) and guess what? This is an ongoing struggle for men and they like to look at attractive women. They fantasize, so if your man is having a bad day…on the outs with you…the chick on the Internet who LOOKS good won’t reject him or tell him he works too much.
Men are not unromantic- They don’t think they can be romantic and succeed. Plus, their idea of romantic is slightly different. Think about doing guy things with them and then topping it off with a little traditional kissie face or….more. Important point here- men think romance ends with sex. Good to know.
Men do care about appearances but it doesn’t make them shallow- I’m not touching this subject here. You need to get the book at this point and read it.
There are some great additional resources on http://www.shaunti.com/ including the men’s answers to the surveys that Feldhahn conducted as research for the book. Here’s the ISBN 978-1-59052317-9 just in case.
So now you tell me! I definitely know from experience that some of these observations are true. I guess my problem is determining how I feel about them.
I’m was shocked about the whole “visual’ thing. When I started asking questions about it (and read the chapter devoted to this) I realized that all men really do keep a visual Rolodex of images AND they do it involuntarily.
It is funny that you have this article…just last night while out with my husband watching the Cavs game i decided to have a little fun with him. I texted him a very naughty message and to my surprise he liked it. The look on his face as he was reading it was worth a thousand words. Men are very visual creatures. I will say not only did the Cavs win but, I got a surprise when i got home..
I’m going to find this book! Where was this book 30 years ago when I got married? Even after this many years I’m still baffled by this man. Is there anything in there about their priorities? Because God Help Me, I can figure out what my Mans are.
Book is in the MM Library and is available would you like me to put it on hold for you? I have read it twice–and didn’t see any mention of obsessive hobby issues.
Hmmm…. in my experience most men do have obsessive hobbies. If not race cars, then computer games or porn. Take your pick….. whatever guy you date will really be into one of them.
I have to agree with the point that men often feel like imposter because they don’t want indequacies being found out!! I’ve found that there is always something below the surface!!!
hmm, interesting thoughts.. I’m going to need to keep these in the back of my head for later use!