Posted by Anne Elliot in Some nights start off looking pretty normal and then some how, somewhere they become a night you will never forget. Recently I sat down at one of our favorite hang-outs with my good friend Staci thinking we were going to come up with “The 25 Things a Woman Should never do”. That’s not what we ended up with!
Let’s start and as we go I’ll tell you why it was such a memorable night…
1. Any man 40 or over who has never been married —unless he’s recently left the priesthood.
Jodi Note: So we are sitting laughing and drinking wine when a man I have dated walks by. He’s very handsome and charming and even better than those two he’s Smart! But- and I fucking kid you not- I wrote that first line about him! W’e're chatting and he’s like “what’s that you’re writing?” I ignored the question at least three times before I read it to him. He wasn’t really amused.
That’s how our little list morphed into this post about the men to avoid. We’ll come back to him later. Let’s continue, shall we?
2. MAMA’s BOYS [stop for moment and imagine me shaking head and walking away]
3. Anger Management drop-outs
4. Morally bankrupt fuck-heads
5. “Boot Call Brian” [Staci note:Do you really want to be "that" woman at 40?]
6. No homeless musicians [no matter how pretty the guitar is]
7. Drummers [they all fall under #6, plus they're crazy too]
8. Men who’s I.Q.’s are lower than their age [complements of Gabriel our waiter]
9. Men who have Lamborghini doors on their car- but drive a Honda
By this time we’ve had a glass of wine- we’re laughing our asses off and we’ve started Tweeting so half the world is listening!
10. Men who travel with an entourage of women who are all “friends” [Sure, and monkeys are going to fly out of my ass]
11. [Do we have to say this?] Married men.
12. Boys on the Rebound – he needs to get over her first [Staci Note: Single for six months, minimum]
13. Control freaks and obsessive wing-nuts
14. Emotional fuck-wits [are you a robot? or a serial killer who hasn't come out of the closet? or are you practicing for the Mind-Game Olympics?]
15. The offensive—body functions, manners, wardrobe and potty humor [no we don't think your chest hair is sexy it's kind of icky really- can you button that?]
So, I look over and the forty year old, who’s never been married, and his dinner companions are gone. He didn’t say goodbye. I hope he wasn’t too offended and I feel kind of bad— so I have another glass of wine. 
16. The gender confused [pick a team already!]
17. Liars [Fool me once shame on you- fool me twice FUCK YOU!]
18. Cheaters [if he cheated on her with you, he will cheat on you with the next her, I'm just sayin']
19. Any man older than your father [Ewwwwwww....YUK]
20. Perverts [See:PeeWee Herman (sorry Kelli!)]
21. Drug, gambling, or sex addicts, meth-heads, stoners, hypochondriacs, or manic depressants who won’t take their medication
22. Bad comics [Seriously, have you not noticed that you are the only one laughing?]
23. Whores- Attention, Camera or Man
24. The Mooch who eats your food, uses your car, sleeps in your bed and sucks up resources and then disappears when the bills show up
25. Verbally, mentally and physically abusive assholes [Go Mafia on these guys and call us---we'll help!]
By the end of this list we are howling- we might have been a little loud even and decided we are the funniest people in the world! It was a great night!
I know you guys are thinking, that guy will never speak to Jodi again, right? Guess what? Four hours later he Facebook’d me and here’s what I learned…some people never change.
OMFG! I’ve come across at least half of these freaks and Im not even 20 yet! Geesh..what the hell do I have to look forward to!!! lol I like this one. BTW, I’m coming to get a sticker before I leave for Toledo..don’t want any prof’s thinkin they’ve found their “it” girl
You have the nice guys of the world to look forward to…but you have to be able to recognize them so pay attention and read this twice!
Men who tan… in a tanning bed or out of a bottle. I’m all about a construction worker or a landscaper who’s in the sun all day, but any dude that has a shirt somewhere that says “Tanfastic” on it (or a pair of those little eye protectors in his car) is off the menu. To me, this implies a level of narcissism that I am just not equipped to deal with.
Ooooo…Leslie! That’s a good one. I forgot about those guyas and the gym rats too. Funny since I was married to a steroid freak for years—guess I blocked that out!
haha. me and ashley and laurel are all laughing
Andddddd Laurel’s fiancee falls under two :X
very interesting list…I’ve been with the same guy for over 23 yrs…so, not so much an issue for me…BUT..if I were single I’d definately stay away from the tanner guy….that was a good add on…and the mama’s boy…couldn’t handle that…Liars…no way…cheaters even more no way and the BIG no way…a man older than my Dad…ewww…just not a good thought, they still wear boat shoes with no socks and have big squares worn on there back pockets where they carry their wallet…sry Dad…may he RIP…but he did wear these things…so no men my Dad’s age….I’ll keep the one I have…for the rest of my life !
Yuk- Men with that wallet mark? Boat shoes w/o socks? Thanks for those visuals—How gross would that be!
It is important for those of us who are in the know to share our wisdom with those of us who aren’t….yet.
Followed you over from Twitter and love your blog title.
I’m sure you would like this post, http://www.isdisnormal.com/2009/04/02/remembering-all-of-my-ex-boyfriends/
Hank! He’s on the list like 65 times and there are only 25 lines. You are right we all have a Hank. My goal is to never have another one!
Great site Jillian and Welcome to the Mob!
Ok… I am reading this because I am required to. (some of you may know my wife) Nahhh. Jodi-licious you sooooo totally rock. But I was recently in Detroit and I met a “gentleman” with cornrolls with a receding hairline and the fabulous gold tooth with the star in it! I met another “gentleman” who was about 60’s and was about 5 foot 2.. with a chip on his shoulder… going through the sagging pants prison thing… Oh one more… men who just got out of prison! Ladies I have sisters… I have heard them and their girlfriends talk about these guys as if they would be the ultimate sex partners… ok let me say one thing… Do you have any idea of the sexual behaviors that go on in a prison??!! As a former corrections officer witnessing an act being performed, well let’s just say you may want to see proof of medical information! Oh yeah the hint of these guys are the ones who brag about being locked up…They volunteer this information for the sake of prowess. “Man when I was in the joint…” that’s the clue..
I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting a man who dropped the “when I was in the joint” line. It may be the only one I haven’t heard, and I’m thankful on a new level for that after the horrific images I now have in my head.
I’m disturbed. Seriously Troi Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Prison sex? Prowess? Ewwwwwww!!!!!
Great list. I think this should be required reading before a girl can graduate from high school. I just want to add one, or add to #12 – men who “aren’t really with anyone anymore, but she doean’t know it yet because he doesn’t want to hurt her. And by the way, she still kinda lives in my apt so we have to go to yours. oh, and dont call after 11″ Great list ladies – sounds like a fun night, wish I was there!
Can I add to#2 “Momma’s Boys” this includes any man of legal drinking age that still lives at home! NO, it is not more convenient…you are the crazy uncle that lives in the back bedroom or better yet, the basement!…RUN and don’t look back ladies.
OMG guys r such freaks! lol I’m wit Nya on this one! I’m only 20 and have run into about half these guys already! Ugh good thing is… I’m only 20! lol still have plenty of time! lol Jodi I love you!!!!